The Bardic Chef: Recipe – Shrieker Wellington (Vegetarian)

A meatless hearty dish? That was the request I received, but I’m not completely sure if Shriekers are considered vegetarian. They… do attack if provoked, but they don’t appear to have true sentience. Don’t most plants have some sort of self-defense mechanism? How “alive” does something have to be to be considered “too alive” for these particular clients? I don’t want to offend them, but sometimes I’m confused.


  • 4 shrieker caps, washed and chopped into cubes
  • 3 onions, chopped
  • 3 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tbsp thyme
  • 1 tbsp mustard
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp pepper
  • 1 ½ cups spinach, chopped
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • Puff pastry


In a large pan over a medium heat, cook ½ tbsp of the olive oil with the onion and simmer, before adding in salt and pepper. Make sure they are browned well, then remove from the heat. Add spinach and cook to a wilted stage, then remove that from the pan and allow to fully cool.

Increase the heat to medium-high and add remaining oil and shrieker caps. Do not crowd the shriekers. Cook for five minutes until slightly browned, flip, and cook for an additional five minutes. Drain on a towel to capture moisture as they cool. Put all of the ingredients that have been prepared – mushrooms, spinach, and onions into a cool place to guarantee they have completely chilled before continuing. An ice box or a place coated in a Cone of Cold spell will do the trick here. If placing outdoors in the cold, cover well so animals are not attracted.

Heat the oven to 375, and prepare a baking tray with baking parchment. Place a sheet of puff pastry over top. Coat the middle third of pastry with half of the onions, leaving nearly an inch of border spaces on all edges. Top half of that with spinach, followed by the mustard and thyme. Place mushrooms atop that. Top with remaining ingredients.

Roll the pastry, using the parchment to aid you, on top of the mushroom mix to form a log. Press to seal the edges well, and roll the log so it’s seam is settled on the bottom. Return to the chilled place – preferably one with ice – for ten minutes. Remove, coat with melted butter, and return to the chilled place for an additional ten.

Remove and place in the oven, baking for 30 minutes until the crust is the color you prefer. Serve immediately.