The Bardic Chef: Recipe – Richemulot Schnitzel

The land I originally come from, Richemulot, is known for it’s resourcefulness. People across the realms are all aware of how many hard times have hit us, and how we have always bounced back. The current issue, that has been hovering over us for a lifetime now? Rats. Horrible swarms of them. Everywhere.

So… we do what we do. We become resourceful.


  • 4 pieces of meat around 4oz each, a single rat’s worth in this case – one giant rat will provide more than enough for all four.
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 1 tsp lemon juice, freshly squeezed if possible
  • 1 tbsp parsley
  • 1 1/2 cup bread crumbs, fine
  • 2 tbsp oil (lard preferred, but common oil is fine)
  • 2 tbsp softened butter


With a mallet, aggressively pound each piece of meat until it’s around 1/8 inch thick. Season well with the salt and pepper.

Take out three dishes, preferably thin baking dishes. In one, place the beaten eggs. In another, place the flour. In the last, the bread crumbs and parsley. 

Dredge the first piece of meat in flour, shake, then place into the egg mixture and coat completely. Place into bread crumbs, and use your hands to help adhere it to the mixture. Place meat onto a prepared surface (a baking pan will suffice), and repeat with the other pieces of meat.

Heat the oil and butter together in a skillet at medium-high. Place one to two pieces of meat, depending on the size of your skillet, into the oil. Cook 4 – 5 minutes each side. Transfer out and lightly dab dry, then season with extra salt if preferred. Sprinkle lemon over each, and serve.