The Bardic Chef – Recipe: (Giant Wolf) Spider Chili

I don’t like spiders.

I don’t like little spiders.

I don’t like medium sized spiders.

And here’s a thought: I really don’t like giant spiders the size of entire buildings.

I like preparing them for feasting even less, but this party seems inclined to watch me cook whatever we kill, as if the cooking process itself provides all the entertainment they would ever need.

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.


  • 2 lb Spider Meat, “skinned” and ground down
  • 1 cup Oil
  • 1 Onion
  • 2 cups Tomatoes
  • 2 Carrots
  • 1 tsp Salt
  • 1 tsp Pepper
  • 2 tsp Cinnamon
  • 1 cup Beans (kidney or black are best used)
  • Assorted Bright spices (cumin, paprika, ginger, and hot spices that are available)


Use the oil in a skillet to cook the onions, carrots, and tomatoes through. Increase the flame, and add in the ground spider meat. Cook until the meat has crumbled completely. Drain and discard grease – grease may take a greenish tone, this is normal. To a pot or cauldron, add water, the spices, and the beans. Add the meat mixture, and additional tomatoes. Simmer for 3 hours. If mixture becomes too thick, add addtional water. Serve with bread.